Laughing time yaar,
Laugh, and let others laugh



My dear .................. Singh,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.

I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. (haha h ahahha ha hahha)

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. (Ha ah ah ah ha hahah)

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. ( hi ihihihhhi ii)

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove? ( ha ahah ahh, remove both, ha ha h ah ah hah)

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. ( ahhah, ihi hihihi)

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. ( y, so long?)

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love - Mom.

P.S. .................. Singh, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter. ( ha ha h ahha....)

I wanted to post another joke, but by the time I realised, I had already pressed the submit button, h ahhah ha ha h

Jokemaster: Do you write with your right or left hand?
JMl: My left hand.
Jokemaster: Wrong! You write with a pen!


Mad Professor: I have made a new invention!
Jokemaster: What does it do?
Mad Professor: It allows people to look through brick walls!
Jokemaster: What is it called?
Mad Professor: It's called a window.

A judge called the Jokemaster's wife aside in his chamber to interview her regarding her pending divorce, and if possible save the marriage. He asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," judge said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar", she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed any garage."

"Please. . ." judge pleaded, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
.
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "About twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh you mean divorce, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I have never wanted a divorce. My husband Jokemaster does. He says he has a serious communication problem with me!, But judge, didn't I answer all your questions right???"

Bihar Driving License...

=============================================================================

" DERIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM "

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------

NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
If you dot know how to fill ,copy from your phriend (dost) applikason.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.


1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)


2. Phust name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)


3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no
(Check karet box)


4. Sex:

____ M _____(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable


5. Chappal Size:

____ Lepht ____ Right


6.Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)


7. Number of children libing in the household: ___


8. Number that are yourj: ___


9. Mather name: _______________________


10. Phather Name: ____________________

(If not no,leabe blank)


11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4

(Circle highest kilass attended)


12. Dental Rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________

Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)


13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________________________


(If you are copy! ing from another applikason pharom, pleaje do not copy thumb impression also. Pleaje
provide your own thumb impression.)
PELEAJE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DERIVE.
WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS.

Interesting plot for a new Matrix Movie

Adding to Jokesmaster's jokes


A saadhu (saint) and a shikaari (hunter) meet in a forest. The shikaari sees
a bird and shoots. He misses and exclaims: "Behanchood! I missed.".
The saadhu says killing animals is wrong as it is and using dirty language
when not succeeding makes it worse. After some time the shikaari sees a
deer and shoots. He misses again and shouts: "Lund saalaa! phir sae missed"
The saadhu warns him: "If you use such crass language again. I will call upon
the Gods to curse you." This time the hunter spots an elephant at ten meters
range. He shoots and still misses and cries out: "Gaanduu! Missed even this."
The saint loses his tolerance and prays: "O God. This man has sinned thrice in
front of a saint, despite warnings. Take him away." "Thooom!" There is a
lightning bolt from the sky and the saadhu is vaporised. Awestruck, the
shikaari looks towards the sky and hears a thunder "Bhoonsadiwaalae! I missed too."

Hahahahhaha....
dammi chha :)

Jokemaster's ife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts:

"Up!! Quick! My husband is back.

Jokemaster quickly gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts his butt, aches his di.., and then realizes:

"Damn, I'm the husband!"

Who is guilty in this situation?? ?

There was once a hat-seller who passed by a forest on his way back from the
market. The weather was very hot and so he decided to take a nap under one
of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.

A few hours later, he woke up by some sounds. The next thing he realized was
that all his hats was gone. He heard some monkeys on the tree and so he
looked up. To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken
all his hats.

The hat-seller sits down and think of how he can get the hats down. He think
and think and start scratching his head. The next moment, he realized that
the monkeys were doing the same action.

Next, he took down his own hat and saw the monkeys do exactly the same. An
idea came to him,
he took his hat and throw it on the floor and the monkeys do that too.

So he finally managed to get all his hats back. If you think you have read
this before....., read on!!!

Fifty years later, his grandson, Jack, also became a hat-seller and had
heard this monkey story from his grandfather.

One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest, it was
very hot, and he
took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. He woke up
and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and realized that the
monkeys had taken all the hats. He remembered his grand father's words,
started scratching his head and the monkeys follows.

He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now,
very convinced of his grandfather's idea, JACK threw his hat on the floor
but to his surprise, the monkeys still hold on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave
him a slap and said "You think only you have a grandfather".

Jokes for Jokemaster: Good Girls/Bad Girls

Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations.

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good girls love Italian food...
Bad girls love Italian waiters.

Our communication - Wireless
Our business - Cashless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our Follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our commitment - Aimless
Our life - Meaningless
Our bosses - hopeless
Our Salary - Veryless

This is a true incident which happened in a college.
A professor was unable to control the class.
The guys were just talking without giving any
attention to him. So he wanted to send a guy
who was creating most of the problem out. But he
didn't know how to put it in English.
He went near the guy. Shouted "follow me" .The guy
followed him till he went out of the class. Now the
lecturer turned back and again shouted
"Don't follow me" and went inside the class..........

Prof. Bewakoof

#Inside the Class :
----------------
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere
come in.

Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come
in.
Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger
half.
Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away
in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the
class )..
Both of u three, get out of the class.
Close the doors of the windows please .. I have
winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of
Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....

About his family :
----------------
I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)

At the ground :
-------------
All of you, stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.

To a boy, angrily :
-----------------
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?

Giving a punishment

......

Collection of Jokes:




Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, nothing happens, it must be really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk... sorry .
>>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Is that your left or my left?
>>>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and.....
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it !
>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the
monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it...
>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have problems printing in red ...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
>>>>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.
>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work!
>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a Capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
>>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A customer couldn't get on the Internet: -
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer.
>>>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have a huge problem.
A friend has placed screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !
>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech Support, may I help you?
Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you.
Can You please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago.
Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
>>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle around it?

Time to Laugh.......




Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."

*****

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

*****

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

*****

Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.

*****

Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.

*****

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

*****

Banta ek sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

*****

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

*****

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

*****

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

*****

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...

*****

Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.

*****

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

*****

*****

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call

*****

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

*****

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

*****

Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

*****

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

*****

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

*****

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

*****

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

*****

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

*****

Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"

*****

A husband goes to his doctor and complains that his wife is getting deaf. The doctor asks him to confirm and convince himself before getting his
wife over to the doctor.

The husband goes home and finds his wife is cooking dinner in the kitchen. He goes and stands 20 feet behind her and asks her , "What are we having for Dinner?" No Answer.
He walks another 5 feet towards his wife and asks her the same question again. No answer. He moves even further and is 1 feet away from his wife and asks," What are you cooking for dinner?" No answer.
Almost convinced, he finally walks very close to his wife and standing next to her asks the same question again.

The wife says, "This is almost the fourth time I am telling you , I am cooking Chicken........"

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband
is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the
illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.Then the woman's
husband unexpectedly comes home. She hides her lover in the
cupboard,
not realising that her little boy is in there already. The
little
boy says: "Dark in here."
The man says: "Yes, it is.
Boy says: "I have a soccer ball, do you want
to buy it?"
Man says: "No, thanks.
" Boy says: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you
don't buy it!"
Man says: "OK, how much?"
Boy says: "$250." A few weeks later it happened
again and the boy and the lover
were in the cupboard together again.
Boy says: "Dark in here."
Man
says:"Yes, it is." Boy: "I have soccer
boots." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy:
"How
much?"
The boy says:"$750."
The secret lover says: "Fine, I will buy them." A few
days later, the father says to the boy: "Grab your ball
and boots, let's go outside and have a game." The boy says:
"I
can't, I sold them for $1000."
The father says: "That's terrible to overcharge your friends
like
that.....$1000 is way more than those two things cost. I'm
going to
take you to church and make you confess your sins. " They go
to
church and the father makes the little boy sit in the

confession
booth and he closes the door. The boy says: "Dark in here."
and the priest says: "Don't start that shit again!"

Sardar: I haven't slept all nite in the train.
Friend: why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: why did'nt u exchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..



Sardar tells a girl "Come to my house at nite, nobody will be
there.............
Girl goes at night & really nobody was there.




A sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After seeing the Form, he
had
gone to DELHI for filling up. U know why? Form says " FILL UP IN
CAPITAL
".

A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss. Do u
know
what the business was? He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.




A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a
women
gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her!

Thanks Guys...Really Enjoyed!

just wanted to say thanks to jokemaster and several other for their effort in makin us laugh.