What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh.

 What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.

Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.

Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday

 

 

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh.

He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh!

What the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?" Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "

 

 

Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave".

The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.

Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt. what he told to the sardarji. Capt. replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar

 

 

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy

   so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees

   to wake him up when the station arrived.

   This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees ,

   the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell

   asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.

   When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he

   went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and

   suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.

   Said his wife " What's the matter?"

   Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and

   woken up someone else"

Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an

aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had

no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives

and jump out of their planes.

   First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute

and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed

his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also

floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant

and jumped out.

   Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall

rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said

- " May Bhagwan help you".

   Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past

him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster"

Saying so, he let go of his turban.

A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like Sardars. The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from Ontario.This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin' license,boy?"

The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck. This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?"

The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Manitoba duck. This here duck's from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin' license?"

Again the Sardar reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Sardar "Just where the hell are you from?"

The Sardar smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, "You tell me, you're the expert."

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there

on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the

interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his

certificates and then starts asking him questions.



Following is the transcript :



O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials

I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can

answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some

opposites



S : Yes Sir.



Officer started asking questions



O : Above

S : Below

O : Front

S : Back

O : Left

S : Right

O : Male

S : Female

O : Ugly    (means Next in Punjabi)

S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)

S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)

O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)

S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y......

Our sardar also shouts)



#Officer is now angry.

O : Get out

S : Come in.

O : Quiet please.

S : Talk please.

O : You are rejected.

S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh got

his job.

Santa singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.

Dear Mr. Singh-----pyare singh sahab

You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.

No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.

But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word

One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."

This is very funny, if you have more jokes feel free to share.

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question -

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Sardar- Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.

Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"

Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!"

Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
drinks took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars exchanged their sandwiches.

A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard ........

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still..... digging for more.

Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

Sardar ji Aapko logo ne kyun mara ? Sardar " yaar Meri Photo Bas main Gir Gayi To Maine Madam Se Kaha Zara Sadi Upar Karo Photo Lena Hai"

Ek sardar Indian Flag lene shop mein gaya tha. Shopwale ne usse flag diya. Sardar bola: Isme aur colour dikhao!!!

Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".

A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to
observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird
dropped a load when it was directly over him. The
Sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly."

very funny..