An old man, staring mournfully at his 'kaanchha bhaai' intoned: 'We were born togethre. We grew up together. We got married together. Why, oh why, did you have to die before me?'

Kusum baba are u male?

Health warning: Ladies don't read this; and smokers, don't do this.

Two old ladies were sitting together on a beach together in Miami, both smoking cigarettes. One of the ladies took out a condom and put it on her cigarette.

The other lady looked at her and asked her why on earth she was doing the. The other old lady replied that it was supposed to be a safer way to smoke.

The next day the first old lady went to a pharmacy and asked the assistant for a condom. The assistant asked her what colour and she replied that it didn't matter.

Then the assistant asked her what size condom she needed and she said,

'I want one that will fit a Camel.'

Keep it up Kusum Baba.....tara pahila ko jasto daami daami jokes post gara na bro..

Haa haa haaaaaaaa Pokhreli kanchha is thinkin u female haa haaaaaa haaaa

Pokharelikanhha,

I don't know my sex. All I know is I have done it many times.

Amazing, thanks. I know what you mean. You are also huh....... wait out.

kasto nickname yar female ko jasto . Sayad gay hola

The old man was too frail to resist. When the orderly had finished the old man crawled back to his room, reached for the phone and called his son:

'Help me, son! This place (nursing home) is killing me! You've got to get me out of here right away. I'm going to die here.'

The son says: ' Hold on dad, only 20 minutes ago, you were saying how much you liked it! Now all of a sudden you've changed your mind. What's been happening?'

After explaning the sequence of events that morning the old man says, 'You see son, my problem is, I only get erection (bujhyo hola! Poonte le bujhla?) once a year but fall down three times a day.'

Pokharelikanchha, erection bhaneko bujhchha?

HE: I'm a photographer i've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon .i've been looking for a face like yours!!!
HE: Hi!didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once.i never make the same mistake twice!!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No,i'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share!!!
HE: Is it hot in here or is it just you?
SHE: It's hot!!!
HE: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
SHE: Okay,but would you stay there?
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! i'm having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Your face must turn a few heads!
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!
HE: Go on ,don't be shy.Ask me out!
SHE: Okay,get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why,are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: why,don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!
HE: Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
SHE: Nah,it was plain bad luck!!!
HE: You know I can't seem to get your face out of my mind.
SHE: Wow really, I have a similar problem I cant seem to get you out of my face!!!
HE: When I look at your face, I can't hold my self down..
SHE: And when I look at your face I can't seem to keep my food down!
HE: You know when they made u they must have broken the mold.
SHE: Yeah and when they were making you must have leaked out of your mold!!
HE: Roses are red, Violets are blue, could there be anyone as beautiful as you?
SHE: Roses are red, Violets are blue, i'm sure there's no-one as ugly as you!
HE: Do you have a phone number I can reach you on?
She: Sorry, telephones are against my religion!!!
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
HE: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
SHE: It's in the phone book.
HE: But I don't know your name.
SHE: That's in the phone book too.
HE: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not Enter
HE: I know how to please a woman.
SHE: Then please leave me alone.
HE: I want to give myself to you.
SHE: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
SHE: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
HE: Your body is like a temple
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.
HE: I hope you didn't hurt yourself when fell to earth from heaven.
SHE: No, but it looks like you landed on your face!

Too long Pokharelikanchha, anyway thanks. I will read later.

lookt at this

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this man would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him ... they kiss ... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive man, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The man says, "You can choose any prize you like from the bottom shelf".

A Women's Prayer
Dear Lord,
So far today, I am doing all right. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or self indulgent. I have not whined, cursed or eaten any chocolate.
However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes and I will need a lot more
help after that.
Amen

Why DOGS are better than WIVES....
1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
7. A dog's parents never visit.
8. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
11. Dogs seldom outlive you.
12. Dogs can't talk.
13. Dogs enjoy petting in public.
14. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24-hours a day.
15. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
16. Dogs like to go hunting.
17. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you.
19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died would you get another dog?"
20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free.
21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
23. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad, they just think it's interesting.
25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
26. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
27. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
28. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
29. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.
30. If a dog leaves, it won't take half your stuff.

Pokharelikanchha,

Well done. Keep it up! I am beginning to like the way you talk and share.

Death by Viagra!

Here's some good ones
********
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
****************
A couple had been married for several years when suddenly the wife decides she'd like to have breast implants.

The husband says, "Now, honey, you know we can't afford that kind of thing right now."

"But I see you looking at other women," pleaded his wife, "and I want to be as attractive as they are to you."

Days go by and the wife keeps insisting she needs breast implants, despite the protests of her husband. Finally, the husband has had it. So he says to his wife, "Honey, I have an idea. Every day, about twice a day, wad up some toilet paper, then rub it between your breasts. Repeat it 3 or 4 times each time."

"You think that'll make my breasts larger!?" asked his wife.

"Why not?" says the husband, "It worked on your ass!"
*************************
SOURCE: www.ebaumsworld.com

? Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
? Good: Your wife's not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She's a lawyer.
? Good: Your son is finally maturing. Bad: He's involved with the woman next door. Ugly: So are you.
? Good: Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly: You're in them.
? Good: Your husband understands fashion. Bad: He's a cross-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than you.
? Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections.
? Good: Your son is dating someone new. Bad: It's another man. Ugly: He's your best friend.
? Good: Your daughter got a new job. Bad: As a hooker. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients. Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your parents...
:-)

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex...
Keep Your Mouth Shut. :mad: