It was the time to move on. But I could feel the tightness iin my chest. As the day was coming closer, I realized the excitment is getting over. Finally I began realizing that I am leaving Nepal. I was trying to be strong but I kept melting inside. I began realizing my mother's smile in which she attempted to hide her tears but in vain. She even broke up once or twice in the other room.
Finally the day was there. I was never in a big plane before so excitement was there. Phone lines started rigning in the house since early morning where each of my relatives asking the same set of questions "are you done with packing, when is the flight, did you confirm.." I dinot want to be rude so kept on answering the questions but things were getting into my nerves. People finding passes to see me off in the airport which I guess a big drama. Yet I couldnot say you donot have to come to the airport. I know people try to be nice to you so that you could remember them when you leave and try their best to give suggestions. I couldnot hold my tears when one of my relatives said donot forget you parents. Now the tears started like chains of hotels...one after another. Small babies cried because their mother was crying. I couldnot withstand I entered the airport.
Three years passed. Today when I look back I still remember that face of my mother with tears in her eyes, the pain which was unexplainable(I still assume that as a sweet pain), her hands which wanted to keep holding me for the final moments. I wonder how she went back home from the airport, I wonder how she ate dinner by herself that day, I wonder if she went back to my room before going to sleep (which she used to do) and I wonder even if she slept after that.
Sometimes I wish she would have expressed her feelings to me and viceversa. At least I would not be guessing and probably she has her own story. But in our culture we normally donot express our love to our parents. I would porbably took it as granted.I never expressed. Now when I call her she waits for the moment when I say "I love you mom".
I know she is happy for all my achievements but still I feel so far my achievements are for myself. I want to give her the feeling of proximity with the child for whom she always prayed for.
Time flies. It didnot stop for her either. She needs people around especially me. And I hope to be with her soon.
From all this the lesson I learnt is "Expression of Love".
