Last year January, when I walked out of my then relationship, I thought I would cry and create a drama for myself. But to my own utter surprise, I felt elevated and lighter at heart. It was an end of a bitter sweet ( to be honest, digustingly bitter at the end) chapter of my life. At the same time it is another beginning of yet another chapter which needed to be explored. Did I miss him? No, I didn't. I was a lot more happier being alone.

Again, being alone can get tricky at times. I have seen a lot of times, people coming out of a bad relationship and getting into a worse one. I call it “ Coming out of crap, and getting yourself into shit”. I was somewhere ready for it but I told myself, I will not under any circumstances will be unfair to myself this time around. So where did this word “ unfair” come from in this context? When you go beyond your capacity of tolerating the shit, the other person gives you and you are miserable but still you hang on to it, that act is called being unfair to yourself. Being so head strong, I have been unfair to myself in the past. I don't want to make that same mistake again. Now, it will not be a mistake but a choice I will make.

Coming back to my singlehood. Do I want to get into a relationship right away? OH hell yea!!! Am I ready? I dont know. My friends wanted me to go out with their friends who are single. My family members were trying to hook me up with a guy. Some people were bullying me that I should get married before I lose the left over charm I got on my face and body. And I was just giving myself time, to decide what do I want to do with my life.
A bad relationship scares you to your cores to hop on to another one. You become cynical about the outcomes and the sour experiences you have to go through. I saw people getting married, falling in and out of love, committing to each other. That made me ponder, why cant people get into a committed relationship with self first and then maybe venture out. So in March, the same year, I put on a ring on my ring finger and committed to myself, to love, to be fair, to take care of myself as a person I love and how much affection I want to show to him/ her. This week, it has been one and a half year of my commitment. I celebrate my anniversary of putting myself as a priority, as “my first priority”. Over 365 days of loving myself had actually feels good. That, even if I feel bad, when things dont go the way I want, I know I have the strong me holding my hands and saying “it is ok, we will work it out together”.
I have survived an earthquake, uncountable aftershocks, 2 major operations (in one, I nearly became LATE), numerous failed plans, some heartaches, some disappointments, couple of back stabs and severe mood swings (thanks to my 2 operations which pretty much made me a mad woman). I look back and I say woah! That is an eventful, joyride u had. I remember, giving up after my second operation, because I thought I will be like most of the people I have seen after an operation, how fragile they become and vulnerable to everything. But I look at myself and say, I did pretty good. Now, I look at the untanned skin below my ring and say I love myself more. I am addicted to pampering myself more. I have become, I wont say selfish but, I am my biggest priority. People have asked me you have changed, you look more beautiful. DUH! I have always been beautiful, but it is exactly like being in love for the first time and having that glow and spark on your personality. Love and respect yourself and the world will fall for it. Right now when I go on a date, I dont worry if that guy is liking me or not, coz I know there is someone who already likes and adores me the most. Like Jerry Mcguire said “you complete me”, I say, “I complete myself”. That does not mean I want to be isolated but it means I am ready to go out and love someone, if it doesnt work, well I am committed to myself anyway!

(I have taken the ring off now since I am so habitual to loving and taking care of myself that I dont need a reminder. )

6 packs banaune committment garekai taka ta nepal ma binaskari bhuichalo gako ho..
jasle six packs..job..money..mind...place sabai kura tyagna badhey banayo..
na sutna sakiyo.na sochna..amby ko barema pani  was much worried until she lovely informed  that she's all right.

lagyo malai yesto, sayad prabhu lai mero 6 packs banaune committment man parena..

anyways
Nasey,
यो भन्न त,

who do you choose as the most precious one for you if you have to choose among kali priyanka, unknown mercynova or sweet ambrosia?
(you can't choose two or all of them as the most precious one, neither you can mention you like/love all of them. If you reply so, it means you are not a REAL MAN. just a creepy liar)

Yedi yehi kura sojoketo lai kasaile sodcha bhane.
sojoketo ko reply hunca to the world..
who the heck is this priyanka?? 

bihana bihana uthera k rahecha Sajha thread ma comment bhayera hereko.....amamama..... flatter hunnu ki lazle ankha chopera bhagnu??

sojoketo,
aaba ma single ho ta single nai bhannu paryo ni......tesma maile kina jutho bolnu....timi le chahi malai naramro dekhauna khojeko ho ki jasto lagyo.....liking someone is ok and u having ur crush is ok but dont say in such a way that maile naramro garey jhai.....mathi comment padha ta k lekheko. Arko kura, Nas jasto j sukai lekhos....malai sadhai ramrai bhaneko chha.....jutho nai sahi.....ramro bolidiyeko chha....mero thread ma comment garekai chha. Uh duniya ko lagi jasto sukai hosh...mero lagi ramro boleko chha....that is all that matters to me. And I dont think he is a liar. And plz dont compare me with anyone or put me as a choice....I think it is unfair to do so.

Nas jyu,
sojo ko kura lai mann ma na linus, he just cares about about me and he thinks I might get hurt. He meant no harm to anyone....he is really a sweetheart.....mukh ko rukkhoo matrai ho....
Ani tyo apis bata lukiluki comment kina gareko?? ani tyo hack gareko ho sacchi aafu le?? yesto na garnu k plz!

badhi janne,

yo keto haru ko discussion ma, your comment is been sandwiched....lol...thank you so much....I hope people will love themselves more....not in a selfish way but in an elevated ways!

Reading your blog above, I picture you in front of a large mirror (though I don't know how you look like), in your birthday suit, adoring admiring yourself. Am I too far off? ;)

hahaha jerryswari

It is bad to appreciate self??? birthday suit or not......its all about loving yourself hoina ra??

no more crush,

when I purrr....I hear ROOOOARRR lol ;)

Nas jyu,

tyo hacking sacking jasto unethical kaam na garnus na plz....sacchi bhaneko....tapai ko talent aru katai use garna sakincha ki bhanney sochnus baru....aana tapai nachahinekaam garey pacchi Amby ko namm pani tyo sanga jodincha ni hoina ra?

amby - sojoketo never wrote anything which indicates amby le kei naramro gareki chin
sojoketo le amby lai naramro banaune kura pani katai garna sakcha ta?

'cause he admires you, he likes you, he talks good of you, it doesn't mean he couldn't be a bad one. he could be good one for you but worst for all. now if one cares good things for ownself only and don't mind bad stuff to others then its' a different story

Nas, my question was not insensible.
and your analogy of choosing hands or legs is senseless.. why don't you admit you can't make a decision.
BTW, Sojoketo always chooses heart over hands and legs
Be a man like sojoketo, sojoketo only chooses ambrosia..even over margot robbie (although ambrosia doesn't choose sojoketo.. :) :) never mind)

amby, timilai compare gareko ho ta? the person who is part of heart can't be compared with anyone else. (:P ..flattering)

anyways, i don't hate Nasey. i like Nasey too although he sounds like a dirty, nasty, ugly, short, fat, creepy pig. :) no offense Nasey.

तर जे होस् समयले नै मलाई हिल गरिदियो ! नेपाल जाँदा उनलाई भेटेको थिए ! अनि मैले मेरो घिनलाग्दो बेव्हारको लागि माफी माग्दा उनले आँखा भरि आँशु पोख्दै, सबै उनको गल्ति थियो..म जस्तो मान्छेलाइ पिडा दिन नहुने भनेर भनेकी थिए ! हामी दुवैले एक अर्कालाई क्षमा गरिदिसक्यो एम्बी ! शायेद मेरो भाग्यमा उनि लेखेकी थिएँन रहेछ !

and this one touches sojoketo's heart. man dukyo if it is really true..yes mero bhagyema pani mero first love lekheko rahenca and i lost her due to my mistakes..tehi bela dekhi ta ma sojo sojoketo bhako ho.. :)

Nas jyu,
aaba qualities nai khojera hidyo bhane ta khassai kehi hola jasto lagena hai....but yea shud be understanding and loyal....tyo chahi must must must have!!!

sojoketo,
tyo mero personal view ho.....Nas is bad for everyone but if he is good to me...I think it works for me....coz think of it....if he is nice to the world and not nice to me....do u think in anyway i will like him?? theekai chha duniya lai ramro malai chahi gali galoch...ma sahera baschu.....NOOOOO not me sorry.
aaba sabai le decision afno hisab le lincha...... Nas le pick na garey ni malai taha chha k usko heart ko ho bhanera.....so he doesnt need to declare it :P

oho..testo rude reply..never mind..sojoketo is always calm and cool..
yea!! it's all about preference.
sojoketo likes to follow the right thing than the wrong.
sojoketo doesn't mind being disliked and hated by a good one rather than being liked and loved by a bad one.
glad! amby not even likes sojoketo
lol..feeling relieved :) :)

Harey! Sojoketo
Ma rude bhayeko hoina.....it is just mero point of view ho k....He had never been rude to me....so obviously I will have a liking.....again I said it is personal preference!
It is not about acceptance or rejection.....we all are friends here and we all have opinions....which will differ at times teti ho :)
And YES! thank you for making me feel sooo special!

Nas jyu,
lol aahile chahi ali badhi nai guliyo bho!!!! ali kaam garne ki PDA???

यो थ्रड पुरै पढ्न शन्चरबार नै कुर्न पर्छ होला ! बाई दि वे , ambrosia नानी को लेख देख्दा निकै स्मार्ट हुनुहुन्छ जस्तो छ , स्मार्ट , सेक्सी , विट पोजिटिभ एटिटुड , कुरो .... नो अफेन्स !!!

atomic,
Sanibar ani aaiteybar pani hai.....yo thread ma Nas jyu ko maya ko gatha lekhiyeko chha....lol....sayad mero pani.
attitude bhaneko aafule banaune ho jasto lagcha.....ma try garchu positive rahana.....smart chahi taha chaina hai.....positivity le chahi jeewan ma kehi kura jhelna lai dherai sahayog garcha....mero experience ho.

thank you for liking I hope to keep you all entertained with my writings!

Sorry to say you sound too much of a self absorb bitch and im sure you are controlling too..you dont may be let guys be who they are,so they run away!!and insecure too how you reflecting your writing..you need to calm your tits down desparado..you say you loved yourself and say right now when i go on a datte..how many dates do you need to find yourself..may be you ha e all the wrong expectation..or else trust me if you so nice you wouldnt even talk..you sound pathetic to talk like this here..go remind yourself all of these in your journal..your bitchiness is contagious to me too

LOL.....super LOL....yes I am a self obsessed Narcissist bitch.....I accept that :P

Amby,Ihatehotdogs must be the same guy whose balls and hot dog u busted other day.

Very uncalled for. Shame on you Ihatehotdogs. Sounds like you have been getting a lot of rejections from the opposite sex and came here to vent it out behind the keyboard.

Well yes guys lets assume im the once who lack self respect in here.. Im sure ambrosia surely attracts flies like you..zero self respect!! Its amazing what you learn what you never been taught..yall really are in the right posiiton to reciprocate ambrosia energy!! go on follow vulnerability