Reverse culture shock
By Ramesh Deshar

One can expect that life in Nepal and America is completely different and is therefore, incomparable. So, when I came back to Nepal two months ago, after completing my graduation from the US, I was scared that I would get reverse culture shock in my homeland. Nevertheless, I did not experience any remarkable culture shock as I had expected before. Instead, to my dismay, I found strange kinds of changes with the people I met and talked after my return home.

The first change I noticed among our young generation is that no one is satisfied with what they are doing at present. Everyone is expecting miracles to shower in their lives with great pessimism and faint hopes. Almost all the youths want to get out of this country in one way or the other, may be being students or overseas employees. No matter what they do in foreign countries, they just want to be in the land of opportunities inhabited by the rich. After hearing such remarks, it feels like every nook and corner of the village echo with frustration and uncertainty.

For many, our country is no more a right place to live anymore and therefore, people do not hesitate to connote it with a cursed land. The idea that stepping into foreign nation is the only panacea for those living in a cursed-land with cursed lives has engulfed the mind of present generation of our country. That may be one of the reasons why many of my friends had curious questions to ask me after my return from the land of opportunities. I could easily read in their faces that they have high expectations from me as if I have landed from heaven to earth and that I possess some magical powers. After a brief greeeting, almost everyone put forward the same questions to me.

‘When did you come back?’

‘When are you going back?’

‘How long will you be staying here in Nepal?’

‘How will you adjust here?’

Besides, I was also assured by many that there will not be shortage of jobs with handsome salaries and beautiful girls. When my friends came to know that I am not going back to US, they have something different to say.

‘If I were you, I would not be returning Nepal and do not even care being illegal there in the US.’

‘Why didn't you try to stay there forever?’

‘You are stupid to dare to come back Nepal.’

‘What will you do here in this war-ravaged country?’

Given above are some of the questions I have been answering and the bitter remarks thatI have been hearing since I came back to Nepal. These reactions from my relatives and friends make me feel that I did something wrong by returning to my own country. Such remarks penetrate right through my heart and give me acute pain. Consequently, this has given rise to some questions that always haunt my mind, ‘Is Nepal really a wasteland?’ ‘Did I really do a mistake in coming back to my own motherland from a foreign country?’ People crack jokes about me when they hear that I came back to Nepal even though it is my motherland.

There is another group of people that I have met who only want to have some sort of knowledge about money. They shot questions of this type:

‘Is it easy to earn money in the US?’

"How much does a normal person earn?’

And then finally, their query ends with, ‘How much did you earn?’ I would not be hesitating to tell what I earned during my stay in the US for two and half years if at least they try to believe me. I don't want to answer these questions anymore because none of my friends believe me when I tell them I did not earn money except a university degree and experiences within these two and a half years. I know that I am a big liar in the eyes of the people who question me when I tell them that I did not work and earn money in the U.S.

The most shocking thing is that I have not met any person, either educated and uneducated, who at least would say that it was not a wrong decision to return to my country and that one day it will pay me back. I know I would also be thinking in the same stereotypical way if I have not had first hand experience of being in a foreign land.

Nonetheless, I expect to meet some one who at least would warmly welcome me for my decision to come back to Nepal and would inspire me to do something. Otherwise I would be asking myself, "Did I really do a mistake coming back to Nepal?" I am looking forward to reading the book named "The Art of Coming Home" by Craig Storti.

(I graduated from the University of North Alabama, Florence, Alabama, USA in May 2007)

Posted on: 2007-08-25 19:39:08 (Server Time)
http://www.kantipuronline.com/kolnews.php?&nid=120410

Isn't it a shame that there is not even a single soul to welcome him as he claims in this article?

..

Well people might not want to stay in Nepal, but I doubt they take Nepal to be a cursed land!! That's harsh, and probably not the phrase you should be using. It's just all the frustration that has been building up over the years with our country heading nowhere, and unlikely to with the politicians we have now. We love our country but everyone wants to live the best life they can live. So we look for opportunities, and go where they present themselves. It does not in any way connote that Nepal is a cursed land and I hope you will take it back, and replace it with a phrase more pertinent.

I know that very well, cauz I also have experienced the same.

Gahugoro, It surely feels bad to know how our fellow countrymen think. But, lets be practical & not emotional.
Looking at the status quo or even the scenario of Nepal. It’s liable for them to not want to stay in Nepal . Daily bandhs & loots , violence , unemployment and what not. Everything and everyone is being politicized .

Nepal surely has the potential to be one of the strongest country but what can be done when the Nepalese themselves do not want to see it happen. They Destroy national assets for small and minor issues, burn tires for no reason and cause chaos showing the extent of indiscipline ness, rowdiness, & monkey ness .
So you tell me, who would want to stay in Nepal in such condition?.

Also the education is leading to agitation in Nepal. Students are more utilized for personal benefits & even the stupid students ( so called LEADERS of tomorrow) are letting themselves be utilized, come on , you are not fools , use your ability to think.

And above all, the Maoists- illiterate bastards and that monkey faced Fire Horns ( Jwala Singh), who even after killing thousands, Consider them self heroes . I don’t understand why they are still alive?? Why hasn’t anyone killed them yet??

Poverty has always prevailed in Nepal, but now people even dread to get rich , for, someone claiming to be a Maoist or Fire horn’s member might just step at your door asking for “chanda" and we all know the consequences of refusing. This is democracy, Ah ! Disgusting.

People of different castes are forming groups such as: madhesi forum, limbuwan, khumbuwan, tharuwan and all other ’wans and are rising up asking for independent state, and amidst of all this comes a new national anthem “ saiyau thungha fulka eutai mala nepali” seems Mr. lyricists is unaware of his fulka mala already been fallen apart ( I don’t mean to offend him though) with only thorns left behind.
And not to forget our leaders, had they had two horns on the either side of their head and a tail on their back, they would have looked more complete and hence it would justify their actions, bloody cartoons!

And also a common man, if they can’t contribute in improving the situation y pile on the agony!. People urinate anywhere their legs take them , they spit all over the public places, sit on the roof of the buses and shout like an ape, no trafic rules .nothing , And even the cops do nothing, enough of lawlessness & immorality. No one is fair to their duty , All of them are corrupts!!

Omg, I‘ve written a little too much. I’m sorry if knowingly/unknowingy i've hurt anyone's feelings or in anyway offended someone.
God Bless Nepal

100% agreed with Aviator. I am not sure what the writer of the article was expecting from Nepalese. I hope that at least he thinks that he made the right decision. I would not dare to think about going back right now especially after knowing that there would be 11 hrs of loadshedding a day.

bored, I couldn't comprehend which word you're referring to.

Aviator, I agree with you. But there're still people like the author above who still dare to go back to live there. I know at least three people who did that. I've more respect for them than myself. May be we'll achieve financially or career-wise, but at the end it's the satisfaction and happiness that counts. We've to find which way we're going to get it through.

What these guys are doing by going back may seem completely out of question for many of us, including me, and seems very irrational thing to do at the moment, but so do the great deeds seem at the beginning.

नेपाली धर्म र सन्स्क्रीती ले चाकडी, शक्ती को पूजा,आराधाना को पछाडि लगाएको छ।
सबैलाई शक्ती र ऐस्वर्य चहिएको छ। सिक्षित हरुले हिजो सरकारी नोकरी le ब्रम्हलुट गरे, ठुला बङला बनाए। सबैलाई थाहा छ् तर बिरोध र भर्सना कमै सुनिए अनी एउट सन्सकार को रुप लियो।
राजनीति गर्ने रातो रात अर्बपती भए।
संचारले सबैलाई स्वप्न बोकाएको छ्। हरेक आमा बाबुले आफ्नो स्वप्न लाई छोरा छोरी मार्फत पुरा गर्न प्रयास गरेका chhan. In past Indian Boaridng स्कुल म पढोओनु थिए भने अहिले बिदेश पढ्न पठाउन थालेका छन।
हरेक कर्म को फल प्राप्त हुन्छ तर हामी बिशेष फल ( सम्पनता, बिद्वता आजका सक्ती हुन)
को लागि सबै प्रयास हो। तेसैले नेपालमा एक मुख जस्तो प्रश्न खनिनु नेपाली कल्चर को, भाषाको अभिब्यक्ती हो।
सक्ने पढ्न लाई, नसक्ने हरु कोरिया, देखी खाडी मुलुक छिचोलेका छन।
फल्को रुपमा, राम्रो घरमा बसेका छन, बच्चा हरुलाई राम्रो सँग स्कुल पठाएँ का छन।
जापान जानेले, दलोलोर फ्याउरी लगाएर काठमाडौं मा आलिसान बङला बनाएको देख्ने ले , जापान जाने सोच न आउनु भनेको मनुस्यतामा प्रश्न आउने कुरा हुन।

जनता भेडा बनाइका छ्न र् बनेका छन।
भेडाको ए उता थालू हुन्छ र तेसैको पछी लाग्छन,
हामी तेस्ताइ भएका छोउ।
तेसैले , नेपाल फर्केर आउने लाई उल्ता दिशा लागेको बोध हुनाले
प्रश्न माथि प्रस्न्को बोउछार भएका हुन।
के डिग्री लिएर आएछ को प्रश्न घरमा मात्रै सिमित हुछ्न भने बाँकी सबैले कती कमाएर ल्यायो मा केन्द्रित हुन्छ।
तेस्को पछाडि, कमाएर ल्याएको चाँही भ ट् टि तिर गएर खर्च गर्न मिल्ने हुँदाआफ्नो स्वार्थ सिद्ध हुन्छ।
तिम्रो शिक्षा को के अर्थ तिनी हरुलाई।
"भतुवा लाई पाडो होस् वा पाडी कुरा बिगोउटी "" मा सिमित छ।
बिचल्लित नहोउ साथी , मनले खाएको कुरा गर्दा र आफ्नो ब्रम्हले देखेको कुरकुरा सधैं ठीक हुन्छ्,।

gahugoro,
What was the reason u went back for good ? family, opportunity , u could not make it here or serving nepal or any other reason.
wat was your major ? can you tell me more so we can relate it what you are saying. did you live on your own ?were your education fully financed by your parents.
can you elaborate ?

 

Sounds like a poet who is sipping coffee in his mansion and writing about bravery of soldiers ? - someone who never saw what war is ?

I am surprised that you are surprised. There is civil war going on, security situation is bleak, people are being taxed by non authorities and robbed rite in their houses , there is enormous lack of jobs, almos all aspect of a civilized living is threatened.

The point - Your well wishers will never tell you to live in those circumstances vs the opportunities you have US. So, I think you are a good person and people around wish you well.

       

DUKE1
It was not gahugoro who went back...
I guess you did not read it all.????

well more graduates ought to be returning back and do something about it.
he should be applauded for it cause he wants to contibute something back to nepal no matter how small it might be.
But majority of nepalese students after graduating from us colleges do not ever think of retuning home cause they are cowards.
a cowards they want to run away from home. a cowards who think after returning home will not be able to make changes. a cowards who feels that the small contributions if they ever tried will not be able to change the directions nepal is heading.

that's why students even after graduation stay in america even if it means of working for dhotis and gas station and get shot by BLACKs.
all their eduaction and talents just goes down the drain.

and in nepal, the same old bunch of netas run the country, all corrupted and have no moral obligations to develope nepal.

i salute this guy and i am definitely going home after couple of years.

Abroad fever

I happened to come across an article from a US-returned student Ramesh Deshar recently. I can surely understand how he felt when coming back from the land of opportunities he has to face the constant nagging of his friends and relatives. But that is what we all have been accustomed to - to think highly of people who can make it large in the US or other foreign countries no matter by doing whatever work and feel sorry and to pity those who do come back to their native country.

Almost all of the young urban population wants to go abroad for education and then by hook or crook they stay there permanently. After all, they can live there to fulfill their dreams of an international degree, independence, highly paid jobs and a secure and luxurious life which is certainly lacking here.

However, whatever we think of the foreign world seems to be an utmost fantasy than fact. This has been projected a lot of times through the media and the people who tend to come back to Nepal once in a blue moon. Life undoubtedly is not an easy affair even in the land of numerous opportunities where hard physical and mental work is a must to survive and become successful.

The abroad returnees do stress on the truth but they do not suggest the young people to rather work and study here than go abroad. After all, in their words, "Everything must be experienced in a lifetime".

I don't have any problem with people planning for further studies in the US because someday even I might go there to pursue my higher studies. And, I believe, it isn't a bad practice because students from other countries also come to study in Nepal, especially in the faculty of medical sciences.

But I do have a problem with the young people who undermine their own birthplace and think that it's worthless to return to Nepal as their hard-earned degree would come to no use. That is a mere excuse as there are temptations which do not allow them to come back because those who do come back have helped this country in every possible way they can.

I'm very proud of those individuals. It takes a lot of determination and courage to stand up to people and serve the land which has provided us with so much and helped us turn into what we are. Young people have to let go of the frustrations and the annoyance they feel as a result of problems they face here and try to solve the problems. The use of their knowledge and a little bit of patience can work miracles and I'm sure that all the young people are capable of this feat. Having written all this I want to assure Deshar that he didn't make a mistake by returning and I would like to cordially welcome him to his homeland and wish him luck for his service to Nepal.

Posted on: 2007-09-11 21:14:45 (Server Time)
http://www.kantipuronline.com/kolnews.php?&nid=122263

You don't see black girls dating asian guys. It is assumed that asian guys have small wee wees. During my second year of college, I was dating this black girl who was pretty cute. I think she got a reverse culture shock during our first date.

hahah..ratobhaley...you post is to the topic.

Well I am really happy for gahugoro that he has returned his home back..How many of you guys wish that it was you instead of him?? Yeah i know most of you have said na or impossible...But somewhere inside everyone there is a small thing called "wish" to see his/her family..The only problem is that we don't show it, we don't tell it...what we just do is follow others and kill ourselves and that's 100% the truth..I went to nepal a year ago...I didn't feel nothing wrong out there...Yeah i met my family, friends and relatives but most of the guys today are concerned about their career in life...who cares about family???? who cares about dad or mom or a old grandfather wishing to see his grandchildren who has made him so proud that he wishes to come back again in the family after he dies...Well guys what i think is that life is not only about high thinking or high career...there are certain values which you are responsible for...Everybody has seen and experienced everything since childhood..there are expectations that we don't see......everybody knows that when there's a will there's way too...I will definitely go back "home" and live with my family and serve my motherland in any cost, may it be a corrupt nepal or my nepal....

Ricky, I'm with you......

I really understand the writer's frustration in seeing all youngesters wanted to go abraod but that is also stereotyping everyone, there are few peole who would rather make it big there as well.

On other note, just by returning to Nepal, can you prove your loyalty to the country? The important thing is to have a good plan in place and especially a purpose of what exactly he wants to do in Nepal and he has worked on that.

Our country needs young people who are capable of driving force in to others, especially that could be expected from a US returned one. I read in a papar how a person returned after 10 years and planted olive trees in Nepal and has exported the best olive oil from the country. That is what i call a vision and purpose and worthiness of returning home.

If not, then does it make a difference whether you are working in McDonlad's in Alabama or working at Nabil Bank in Nepal ? it is almost the same thing.

i am going back for forever and i am also thinking what others gonna tell me about my decision to say good bye to uncle sam.

gahugoro
Did you NOT expect those questions? I mean where did you grow up in Nepal, not to know that? Money and greed are part of our culture.
I've all the respects to those people who do return, not matter what were the circumstances. Someone asked a lot of questions above about you, which I think is irrelevent if we're seriously looking for people going back.
I disagree with people who're against you. I think your loved ones should respect your decision, which is a honorable here.It's not always about the money,unlike me and the rest of the Nepal. I think the concept "It's for your own good" even when we have to do something wrong, is what makes our society fundamentally flawed.No support, it's even worse when loved one do that.